by David Sheskin

The day after receiving accreditation an

organization dedicated to preventing the

deterioration of civilization issued a proclamation

advocating gentrification, desegregation,

detoxification from medication, education on

lactation, regulation of unnecessary litigation, and

irradiation of vegetation while at the same time

condemning premature ejaculation, discontinuation

of sanitation, widespread unregulated public

urination and defecation, enforced sterilization,

fornication for remuneration and the indiscriminate

proliferation of alliteration.